Here I am...

For the first time in my life, they doubt me. For the first time in my life, they asked me, "Are you sure you're capable enough to do this?". For the first time in my life, the words escaped from their lips hurting my heart. Stabbing me over and over again. My heart is aching badly. My tears are threatening to leak. I can't crack a smile. Nor can I laugh. I just stare at my wall morosely. Doing nothing. Spacing out.

I'm tired. Tired of living in their expectation. Tired of following their decision. Tired of nodding at their decision. And tired of plastering a fake smile.

And yet, here I am, still helping them to achieve something they couldn't achieve long time ago.

And yet, here I am, crying in silence. Hiding my dismay. Hiding everything from their eyes. From the eyes of public. Putting my mask. My usual mask. My fake grin. My playful and mischievous grin.

When everyone is gone, busy with their own greediness, ignoring the pain in my heart, I'd bring my knees to my chest, my hands roaming over my shoulder, comforting myself, assuring to myself, "It will be fine."

The dawn chorus is filling the ambiance, the sun is climbing slowly higher in the sky. People are busy repeating their routine, just like programmed robots. Here I am, writing the final sentence, and putting my mask again.